Memories of Emmett Michael Cederstrom: Part 1

MEMORIES OF EMMETT MICHAEL CEDERSTROM

By His Mother Brook Ann Cederstrom

It was an early spring day around 8 months ago when I found out that I was expecting a new baby. After nine months of trying to get pregnant, I almost couldn’t believe my eyes when I took my pregnancy test. The next few months were the hardest that I have had being pregnant I was constantly nauseous and I got really dehydrated. For some reason I didn’t tell hardly anyone I was pregnant for a long time. For some reason the whole thing didn’t seem quite real. We drug our feet telling people we were pregnant but when we did this is what we posted on the blog.

We are excited to announce that we are expecting Baby #3 in late December 2009. I was 14 weeks on Monday, and why I decided to wait to wait this long to DECLARE IT TO THE WORLD I don't exactly know except due to scheduling errors at the doctor's office (as I grumble expletives under my breath) I was not able to get in until today. For some reason, even though I have been puking my guts up for almost a month and a half now, it didn't seem real until I went to the doctor… (WARNING: now that the news is officially "out" on the blog you might get bombarded with posts about me whining about pregnancy symptoms! Be prepared to filter through all blog posts for the next 6 months!)

The most exciting news we received this entire pregnancy was that we were having a boy. I went into the ultrasound by myself because David was at work. He was going to take his break when I called, but he did not get my message. The ultrasound technician was going a long when all of sudden she said out nowhere that we were having a boy. When she found out that I only had girls she screamed with excitement along with me. I drove straight to Target after the appointment and showed David the ultrasound pictures. You should have seen the smile on his face. If you want to know what a happy daddy looks like than you need a freeze frame of that moment. Along with ultrasound pictures this is what we posted on our blog.

For those of you who haven't heard... (which is most everyone) After having our two beautiful GIRLS we found out yesterday that we are (finally) having a BOY!!! David is sooooo excited!!! It has sure been a lot of fun to get to look at BLUE things.

As the pregnancy continued the kids became more and more interested in Baby Emmett. Ella constantly asked me “what’s baby Emmett doing?” and I would tell her he is dancing, or he sleeping or he’s rolling over. Ella loved to feel my belly, and even though Emmett hardly ever actually kicked her, she always thought he did. Occasionally she would get talking to him. “Baby Emmett” she would say, “What are you doing?” She was so excited to have a little brother.

Being the little sister she was Elena would copy everything that Ella said. I really don’t think that she understood about baby Emmett, but she would talk about him anyway. The only thing that Elena picked up on herself was calling my belly button the “Baby button.” She always wanted to see the baby and beep my “Baby button.”

“Remember the “Kicking times” with joy for the life that was there.” Emmett was always a very active boy in the womb. Although I didn’t notice him near as much during the day, he did his nightly aerobics right when I laid down for bed at night. One night I laid down and could not feel him moving. He just laid there. It took me over thirty minutes of bugging and poking him for him to finally move. Because of this night I went to the hospital to have him monitored. From the second they put on the traps until the last minute before I could no longer feel him kick, he never took a break again.

The last few weeks, I can’t deny, have been a struggle for me. Between my belly growing bigger, the baby kicking, and small contractions I have been very uncomfortable. Tuesday night after a day and a half of having contractions at home we went to the hospital to be monitored. Before we left I was having contractions two to three minutes apart, but I was not dilating. In order to keep the baby in as long as possible I went home to wait. Although I had contractions Wednesday and Thursday, it was Friday when I was at work that my contractions got unbearable. Again we came to the hospital and within an hour they let us know that we would be doing the C-section that day.

The day had finally come, we were so excited. Not long after going into surgery they pulled out our beautiful baby boy and showed him to us and then handed him into the NICU. While I was in recovery they came and told me that the baby was doing great, but he needed some oxygen. It was then that David took pictures of our baby. It was not five minutes after David came back that they came with the report that the baby’s heart had stopped beating. The wonderful staff of the EIRMC NICU worked as hard as they could doing everything imaginable to save little Emmett. I will never be able to express how grateful we are for the amazing knowledge and courage that these doctors and nurses showed trying to save our baby boy.

There came a point that there was no longer anything that the doctors could do. The baby was not going to make it. It was then that we got to bring him to our room. No one will ever know how grateful I am that I got to hold my precious baby at that time. He was so beautiful! A member of “Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep” came and took some amazing pictures that we will cherish forever. We got pictures of people holding the baby, bathing the baby, and even the baby on his own. Oh how marvelous are the volunteers from this organization. I will never forget all the things they did for us.

As we have gone through this experience my thoughts have constantly fallen back to a few thoughts and or experiences that have happened the last few hours. The hospital staff has helped in these situations enough they knew what we would need and helped us gather so many things that will remind us of Emmett forever. These treasures were not only to remember the short time we were living, but also the times that we got to spend with him after he had passed.

Even though situations like this are always hard, we have all learned a lesson or two from this experience. Two of the best lessons that I have learned came from the mouths of small children. The first was from my nephew who had been surrounded by people saying prayers for our precious Emmett. After he heard that Emmett had died he told his mom “It is a good thing that that baby got enough love while he was here.” Even though the doctors, the nurses, or we as his family could not save him, we could love him and that is what we did.

Another lesson I learned was from my sweet Ella Jean. Ella has had a really hard time, so when we told her that Emmett was going to be buried with Grandpa Gene she asked “But when do get to come out on the grass so we can see them.” We should all look forward to the day when we can stand with those we love that have passed on and see them again. By doing this we will strive to be the best we can and then we will be together again.